Glory Days
by Raynan
Summary: Crack fic! In a redone Season 7, everyone becomes as blunt as Anya. Kennedy is a flaming Lesbian with a steadily increasing lobito. Xander manages to gayafy himself… for Andrew. Willow temporarily becomes blatantly ignorant, and experiences the joys of Vamp Willow. And Buffy adores an übervamp like it's a puppy.


Glory Days,

Summary: Crack fic! In a redone S7, everyone becomes as blunt as Anya. Kennedy is a flaming Lesbian with a steadily increasing Lobito. Xander manages to gayafy himself… for Andrew. Willow temporarily becomes blatantly ignorant, and expierences the joys of Vampself¡cest. And Buffy adores an übervamp like it's a puppy, damn!

Warnings: intense sex talk, swearing, knowledge of basic sex-Ed required.

AN: So for this fic, most new gained status's (Xander's gayness, for example) are temporary and they can change at any point in the story. What I will be writing can be portrayed as borderline offensive, but I assure you I have nothing against gays, Men, British people, lesbians, perverts, vamp pairings (actually I think its a little gross, for Buffy's pairing only. Don't expect any lemons for that.) All things that are offensive are my attempt at humor, if I take it too far, you can leave a pm or review saying so. I'll take it out when I re-look and if I agree. Thanks!

Chp.1

Kennedy's PoV

"Kennedy!" Giles snapped at the girl, who was dazing off into some unknown lesbian dimension. The only thing that could be determined about this particular fantasy was its level of hotness. 100… out of 10. Kennedy looked up; her eyes still glazed over, but soon snapped out of it. She would never look at blondes or crosses (upside down, of course) the same way again. It had started when Annabel dropped one of her many crosses, quickly catching it, afraid she'd be dammed (the godly kind) if she didn't get to it in time. Annabel had caught it in a compromising position, almost teasing Kennedy's thighs. She sighed, this royally sucked, and she hadn't had sex, in like, two days! Kennedy didn't know how she had managed so far, hopefully there was someone or something she could bang here.

The door opened to reveal a short blonde, and Kennedy looked her over, yes, that kind of look over. She smiled, quickly remembering her fantasy and quipped a little something to the slayer.

"So this is the slayer? All right then, I can work with this." Before Kennedy could work her flirtatious magic, Giles hurried the three girls inside. Kennedy was about to fight back when she saw her, and soon all her fantasies filled with blondes, brunettes, raven-haired girls, baldies, tattoo gals, cowgirls, and finally skunk heads, were replaced with red heads. She was so, so glad that her watcher died now. Anyway, the Idiot didn't even give her ice cream when he died, she clearly ordered pecan to his dead body. Was it really that difficult?

Kennedy was soon distracted from her smoking' hot fantasy when Molly (or was it Annabelle? Kennedy could never tell, they sounded exactly alike, except for Annabelle's hasty amen's at the end of her sentences.) Pointed out that there was a guy tied to a chair. Kennedy sighed, she knew she hopped there would be something kinky here, but group dancing orgies around a chair guy weren't her thing. They didn't even tie it right, it was more like he was being held prisoner. _Those bastards are kinkless_; she'd have to fix that.

"What is wrong with you? Have you guys tied someone up for sex before? This is an abomination of all things kinky!" Kennedy demanded, giving a rather sharp look at the slayer. Kennedy couldn't blame chair guy or the red-head, the latter because she was too adorable to do anything wrong. Kennedy looked around for other suspects, the teenager was probably highly inexperienced, the other woman was too busy trying to attract normal guy's attention. Kennedy couldn't blame him, because, well… he was a guy.

Giles PoV

Giles sighed, hoping that someone would explain to the poor horny girl that the boy wasn't tied up for… Giles shuddered and quickly cleaned his glasses.

He thought explaining the apocalypse would go smoothly, and then he would be able to get it over with. He craved for tea, it made up half of the mans life and he had no intentions of living without it. It was better than crack, in fact, he used tea to get him out of his addiction in his own youth. Apparently he was one of many crack users destined to join the watchers council, all of them recommended tea. As well as 90% of Britain's population, although he was never to share this secret with foreigners, America would have to find a different method of shaking off the drug.

Currently Anya and Kennedy were heavily conspiring on different methods of S&M. The two had taken to whispering in the corner and occasionally shouting something out of context. Giles took this opportunity to explain the first and its plan to wipe out the slayer line. Which was actually quite intelligent, and annoying, he was far too young to die.

"Handcuffs are used too much." Anya said loudly, getting glares from the surrounding citizens. "What? When this lesbian women and I come up with the world's best sex toy, you won't get to enjoy the orgasms!"

Giles vigorously cleaned his glasses again, actually breaking them. He ignored the little looks he was getting and continued to talk to the prudes of the group. Well, the ones that hadn't gotten lucky in a while or too young to be sucked into the sex discussion. Giles himself knew he was the only prude, but felt better by calling them all prudes. He had a low self-esteem.

Buffy PoV

Ugh, another apocalypse, Buffy really loved Tuesdays. She also got the deluxe feature of many scared and one sex deprived teenage girl. Buffy already had to worry about Dawn getting the happies from some teenage guy wanting to knock up her tingly part. Oh, and if Dawn decided to follow in Willows footsteps, then Buffy'd have double the amount of possible targets. Some in this very house, she then sent a meaningful look at Kennedy. Realizing all too soon that she had accidentally projected her thoughts at Willow, who squirmed uncomfortably in her spot on the couch. Next to Xander, who was intently listening to the whole sex debate, or more properly put, engaging discussion. Buffy was sure that Willow could hear much more than she intended/wanted to.

"Those are so rare! Have you used them before?" In all honesty, Buffy didn't want to know. Handcuffs were good enough for her…

Buffy sighed loudly, before she had always had some kick-ass boyfriend to help her. First there was Angel, then that depressed dude who dumped her, whatever. If Buffy had a choice, she'd let the vampires of the universe devour him, slowly. Then there was boring Riley who turned out to be annoyingly interesting, Buffy mentally kicked Riley's balls off in her head, giggling at her own thoughts. Spike, who she knew had to hang around for the foreseeable future, just this time without the bunny hormones. At this thought, Anya jumped in fright, grabbing a random frying pan to defend herself. Buffy shook her head, at this rate; Buffy knew she'd fall in love with the next vampire she saw.

"There shall be no bunnies involved with the kinkiness!"

"But they're so fury…" And with that statement, Annabelle fainted.

AN: what do you think? Too much sex talk? That was just an icebreaker. Don't worry, all the events in the summary will eventually happen.


End file.
